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In The Bog Of Determination

Somewhere between tenacious will power and sleepy eyes, between fierce desire accompanied by horse power determination, and spiraling down the road of 2020. Somewhere between a steadfast destination and the abyss beneath our feet.    Eyes tired. Chest tight. I breathe slowly and have another coffee, trying to stay awake for a little longer and get some work done. It’s not even the lack of sleep. I am usually an energy fireball. Give me coffee and I can move like [...]

The Fig Tree

The kids have been climbing on a tree in the back of the house. Before Covid, we never considered our back area to be a back yard. It’s where we park the cars. And have a garage we use for storage. We share the space with our landlady. There are a few plants out there. And three young trees by the side of the house.    Since the beginning of Quarantine we’ve been parking the cars on the street. The [...]

Waves Of Change

I clearly feel the transformation. It’s slow but hot. Smokey and non-linear.    I can’t help but seeing the opportunity that this crisis holds in its hands. “Here,” It says. “It’s not gonna seem like a gift. In fact, there’s gonna be some hell to burn through. But if you seize the opportunity, and unwrap the outer layers, and after a lot of suffering for a lot of people, you will unpack the box, you will find some new seeds [...]

Quarantine Queen

How are you feeling these days? Are you sinking into this time? Are you flowing with it? Rolling with the punches? Itching to spring out of it? Dreading what awaits on the other side?   I find myself NOT wanting to go back to “normal.”    Ever since quarantine began, I have been less stressed, less depressed, less on edge.   I feel guilty about it because so many people are suffering.   I miss my parents and my sister [...]

Corona Cocoon

From Quarantine Queen, Mindful Mother, Domestic Dame, Goofy Goddess, Mama Magic, to: “SHUT THE FUCK UP EVERYONE, AND LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!”   Waves. Cycles. Spirals.   Patient. Present. Strong. Stable. Fluid. Fun.   Bitchy. Broken. Sensitive. Stuck. Wavering. Wondering…   When I rock the covid (the new lifesty, not the virus), I feel grounded and giving - a source of support. A resource of steadiness. A sorceress - alchemizing the situation. Bending the boundaries to tend with tenderness [...]

Not Alone

You’re doing it all.  You’re never alone. Making sure they sleep enough and eat well and get some time outdoors and enough exercise, fresh air, and fresh ginger tea. You’re ordering organic veggies from farm fresh.  You try to avoid the supermarket, but every week there are a few things you really need, so you brave it, and you go.  You’re cooking so many meals a day, your hands feel numb. You’re weeding the little piece of earth you can’t [...]

Corona School

Last week was harder.    By Thursday I woke up in the morning and I was a mean mommy.     I really tried not to be.    During the night and into the early morning Shefa wasn’t letting me sleep. He woke up so early and used his special rooster voice. That voice he likes to use on those really early mornings when I am especially exhausted.    Some mornings, even if he’s waaaaay too early to be awake, he [...]

Post Equilibrium – Contemplations For Unsteady Times

Twice a year we get to experience the balance between day and night, darkness and light. Equinox is a moment in time that offers a glimpse into equilibrium. Many people treat balance as a goal. #balance #lifegoal But let’s face it -  balance only exists here and there for a split second, and then it tips over towards more of one thing, and less of another.    Equilibrium is a state in which polar energies are balanced. It offers the [...]

Corona Connection

Slowing the fuck down. I am a much nicer mama when we’re not in a rush. No plans. No place we must get to. No certain time to do anything. I feel like I’m spirling gently through a different galaxy, light years away from here, someplace that isn’t quite a place. Maybe it once was. Maybe it will be. But for now, it is a space, with particles and possibilities. Suspendant. Uprooted. And more grounded than I have been in [...]

Weeds

She’s sitting on the bench by the dinning table, hair a little messy, lots of missing teeth, a crazy wide spread of artist markers - a hundred and twenty colors and shades, to be exact. She’s working on an elephant. Fifteen shades of gray. Muse-struck.    “Mama?” her eyes are focused on the curving lines of her elephant trunk.   “Yes, my love.”   “I have all these bad thoughts in my head.” The trunk she’s working on is playfully [...]

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