Family

In The Bog Of Determination

Somewhere between tenacious will power and sleepy eyes, between fierce desire accompanied by horse power determination, and spiraling down the road of 2020. Somewhere between a steadfast destination and the abyss beneath our feet.    Eyes tired. Chest tight. I breathe slowly and have another coffee, trying to stay awake for a little longer and get some work done. It’s not even the lack of sleep. I am usually an energy fireball. Give me coffee and I can move like [...]

Pixies & Purge

I am out in the back with the kids. They are playing with water and mud. Slippery and covered in childhood memories. The hot afternoon california Summer sun dancing on their faces with rays of youthful sparkles.    I am playing Pixies. The bluetooth speaker vibrating in the cup holder of my camp chair. “Hey! Been trying to meet you... Oooo ooo oooo ooo ooo…” Memories of cold nights on platform shoes, outside the clubs in Jerusalem of the 90’s.  [...]

Breakthroughs & Boundaries

In these last few months we have been given one opportunity after another to look at who we are, to ask ourselves who we want to become, to view the way things have been, and to reconsider our participation in this world.   In one way or another, we have been forced to pause. We have been invited into a space of self reflection.   In this pause we get to ask. We get to not know. We get to [...]

The Fig Tree

The kids have been climbing on a tree in the back of the house. Before Covid, we never considered our back area to be a back yard. It’s where we park the cars. And have a garage we use for storage. We share the space with our landlady. There are a few plants out there. And three young trees by the side of the house.    Since the beginning of Quarantine we’ve been parking the cars on the street. The [...]

Quarantine Queen

How are you feeling these days? Are you sinking into this time? Are you flowing with it? Rolling with the punches? Itching to spring out of it? Dreading what awaits on the other side?   I find myself NOT wanting to go back to “normal.”    Ever since quarantine began, I have been less stressed, less depressed, less on edge.   I feel guilty about it because so many people are suffering.   I miss my parents and my sister [...]

Corona Cocoon

From Quarantine Queen, Mindful Mother, Domestic Dame, Goofy Goddess, Mama Magic, to: “SHUT THE FUCK UP EVERYONE, AND LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!”   Waves. Cycles. Spirals.   Patient. Present. Strong. Stable. Fluid. Fun.   Bitchy. Broken. Sensitive. Stuck. Wavering. Wondering…   When I rock the covid (the new lifesty, not the virus), I feel grounded and giving - a source of support. A resource of steadiness. A sorceress - alchemizing the situation. Bending the boundaries to tend with tenderness [...]

Not Alone

You’re doing it all.  You’re never alone. Making sure they sleep enough and eat well and get some time outdoors and enough exercise, fresh air, and fresh ginger tea. You’re ordering organic veggies from farm fresh.  You try to avoid the supermarket, but every week there are a few things you really need, so you brave it, and you go.  You’re cooking so many meals a day, your hands feel numb. You’re weeding the little piece of earth you can’t [...]

Corona School

Last week was harder.    By Thursday I woke up in the morning and I was a mean mommy.     I really tried not to be.    During the night and into the early morning Shefa wasn’t letting me sleep. He woke up so early and used his special rooster voice. That voice he likes to use on those really early mornings when I am especially exhausted.    Some mornings, even if he’s waaaaay too early to be awake, he [...]

Reformation In Isolation

It was hard to get out of bed this morning. Dark and cold outside. I wanted to get up before everyone else, so that I can have a moment for myself to meditate, but it didn’t happen. So I meditated with the kids staring at me. They tried to be quiet, but most of the time they forgot about the quiet contract that they signed when they decided to sit on the couch in the living room while I meditated. [...]

Corona Connection

Slowing the fuck down. I am a much nicer mama when we’re not in a rush. No plans. No place we must get to. No certain time to do anything. I feel like I’m spirling gently through a different galaxy, light years away from here, someplace that isn’t quite a place. Maybe it once was. Maybe it will be. But for now, it is a space, with particles and possibilities. Suspendant. Uprooted. And more grounded than I have been in [...]