I am out in the back with the kids. They are playing with water and mud. Slippery and covered in childhood memories. The hot afternoon california Summer sun dancing on their faces with rays of youthful sparkles. I am playing Pixies. The bluetooth speaker vibrating in the cup holder of my camp chair. “Hey! Been trying to meet you... Oooo ooo oooo ooo ooo…” Memories of cold nights on platform shoes, outside the clubs in Jerusalem of the 90’s. [...]
It’s time to stir things up. Earth is spinning and this northern half of the planet is beginning to receive more light. It grows slowly, not rushing in with bells on. It’s just slowly gaining momentum. With it comes hope. Once upon a time when we lived more attuned to the cycles of the planet, sunlight was life force. We’re halfway through Winter, and halfway towards Spring. The sun is getting stronger. With it the earth regenerates life as [...]
The Amazon forest is burning and there’s nothing I can do about it. Tears in my throat. Smoke in my eyes. I feel so angry. Furious. Depressed. Suffocated by the inability to do anything. Petitions. Prayers. Whatever, right? It’s exhausting to marvel at how powerless we are. It seems as though the Bolsonaros and the Trumps and the Netanyahus of the world are winning. I’ve always been a doubter, cynical, a bit edgy, and a little jaded. But [...]
Shavuot It smells like peaches. And freedom. Summer Break is knocking on the door. The air feels warmer and the anticipation of beach days and lounging and lazy late afternoons is tickling skin and soul. Everyone is dressed in white. There are bales of hay and flower crowns. My mom and I are making blintzes and laughing together in the kitchen. I have beautiful childhood and teenhood memories of Shavuot. It was never about religion, and always [...]
As we drove up the mountain, watching the landscape change rapidly – from golden California brush, with a splash of green here and there, to greener and greener carpets of trees and meadows covering the dramatic rise of the Sierras – I became present to the changing landscape of my life. In the back seat a fifteen months old baby, on the verge of falling asleep, crying the last few tears of a long stretch of tiredness and screaming, [...]
Obviously. Obviously aging beats the alternative. Obviously aging is a privilege. A luxury. The gift of life itself. Obviously the beauty myth lives strongly in our culture, and the idea that youth is superior to aging permeates every nook and cranny of modern society. Obviously this shit messes with our heads. But isn’t it also natural to grieve the end of a life phase, and the death of a major part of our identity? [...]
You are timeless. Infinite. Eternal. But you look in the mirror and there are lines that show the sign of the passing time. There’s a wrinkle in time. Many wrinkles, in fact. And that spacious conversation about eternality you had with yourself during meditation earlier this morning is erased. Fuck! You are definitely finite. You make another cup of coffee so you can keep up with your to do list. You’re not even getting to your to do [...]
Triggered. Triggered by being triggered. Raw. Stomach in knots. Heavy heart. Cloudy mind. Chewing on some thorny self disapproval. This morning's breakfast was brought to me by self loathing. Sometimes it's something so little and irrelevant that pushes the button and BAM! An explosion of disappointment and anger and frustration and deep sadness. All directed at moi from moi. Layered multi leveled extravaganza of everything that I think is wrong with me. Moving through it. Breathing. Making space between me [...]
