I am out in the back with the kids. They are playing with water and mud. Slippery and covered in childhood memories. The hot afternoon california Summer sun dancing on their faces with rays of youthful sparkles.
I am playing Pixies. The bluetooth speaker vibrating in the cup holder of my camp chair. “Hey! Been trying to meet you… Oooo ooo oooo ooo ooo…” Memories of cold nights on platform shoes, outside the clubs in Jerusalem of the 90’s.
“Careful not to slip on the mud!” I say, as the song paints the slipping away of my youth on the wet concrete beneath my feet.
“Must be a devil between us…” Pixies pulsing in my chair. Visions of my boy-crazy teenage self – being all cool, smoking cigs, wearing a catsuit, hanging with the twenty something year old crowd in Tel-Aviv. My bestie and I ruling the night to sunrise.
Sometimes I get caught in the melancholy of fleeting time. Losing skin and boobs to the south pole. Watching year after year the aging journey of my parents. Fearing the inevitable. Feeling the ineffability of my changing children, as they grow in the speed of light right beneath my kisses.
Time laughs as it leaps – big strides across your life. You have no control over this, baby. Relinquish. Release. Surrender.
“Where … Have you … Been …? If you go, I will surely die!” Pixies were already old when I was into them, dancing in my doc-martens on sticky floors.
I feel like this year is schooling us in the arts of relinquish.
We are growing. Pain is a part of the process. The trajectory has been blurred. The direction has got to be reconsidered. And the path is completely different from what we have envisioned.
2020 is a trip.
There’s a hell of a lot going on. The air is charged. The edge is everywhere. The sun is strong right now. High in the sky. And we have an opportunity to learn, to change, to evolve. Summer is a season of growth and expression. Mother Nature’s momentum is moving through you. It’s almost Harvest season. And what we’re putting in our baskets is quite different from the usual.
The spirit of the time is asking us to extend in new directions. Unexpected. Maybe never even seen before. We have to say goodbye to a lot of expectations. Part ways with some things we thought would always be a part of us. We might need to let the heat of the sun melt some of our dreams away. Make peace with some fruit that might not ripen this year. Or ever.
Some of the stripping away that we undergo might be more intense than we feel up for. It might be a severe severing of security and well beingness. It may not feel like a healing process. It might not seem beautiful.
Do you need to let yourself grieve?
Getting stuck in our expectations is not what this year is about. And blocking our feelings of disappointment and loss is not what we need either.
It might be helpful to create a sacred, safe space to untangle, dissolve, dismantle and let go of some things. Let the rage, the tears, the numbness, or the ambiguity of your feelings run through you.
Are there any inner conversations that keep you too fixed? Any thought patterns that impede your growth?
This is a season of breaking shit down. This is a declaration of transformation. This is a frenzy of dissolution and creation.
Like the seeds of a Sequoia tree, we need fire in order to come out of our cone, spread, germinate, and make more life happen.
Right now we are burning. And the heat is causing us to change. There are some things that we are forced to let go of. Things that the winds and the fires have devoured. We are asked to release certain aspects of ourselves. We are made to release into the flow of our experience. There are issues that we are finally addressing, and investing in their wrecking process.
It’s a learning curve. It’s a listening school. It’s a box of new tools. We are going to feel it all. And we are called to be resilient – supple, strong, springy. Make room for the waves. Release into the stream of what is happening. Make a solid container to hold the ferocity and the tenderness.
We might feel tired and need to relinquish the need to be productive. We might feel tight and need the hardness to loosen up. We might notice the places where our need to control must give way to softness, to scatter, to surrender. There are going to be things we hold on too tightly to, and we will need to ease our grip. What feels stuck can become the call to fluidity. What feels tangled is a doorway to freedom.
The ferocious fires of 2020 feed the earth with fertile ashes and the call to rise.
What do you want to grow?
What will you need to release in order to allow for this growth?
How will this release nourish the growth?
Journal about it. Meditate with that in heart. Think about it on your walk, in your bath, as you cook. And please do share your thoughts. Let all of us know. Your voice is needed. So comment below. What do you want to grow? And what do you need to release in order for that to flow?