My goddess, I used to live by the idea that the only limitations are the ones we create in our minds. I was young and naive. And honestly, I had no idea what I was talking about.
Oh! The humility!
Before I became a mama, and even through the first couple of years, I really believed that I could do it all. That I could continue to blossom in the career I had worked so hard on building, while also being a full time mama, wearing my babies and breastfeed them around the clock, cook all the meals we eat, go see my family in Israel three times a year, teach yoga while I’m there, be a super supportive partner to my husband as he continues to grow in his work, go on plenty of dates, be a sexy goddess, write books, spend lots of quality time with the kids, go to the beach, take them to museums, read tons of books together, travel for fun and for work, maintain close friendships, do yoga and meditate and go on an hour walk every day, continue to study and enrich my intellect, grow my skill set, go to workshops, get a degree or three, make sure I put the kids to bed every night, and be really present. All the time.
It makes me laugh (because I’m finally done crying). I totally bought into it.
So now I’m still working on restructuring my relationship to my worthiness. It sucks to admit, but the place where false expectations and reality meet did a number on me. And here is my self esteem – wrapped around outer achievements. Again! WTF?! Have I not worked through this ages ago?
Well, like all of our issues and our core wounds, this one goes through cycles.
The “you can have it all” message is meant to empower us, to tell us that we’re amazing, and to help us break through our limited beliefs. It births itself through a common wound of our generation – a generation that has been told that we could have anything we wanted, that the sky is the limit, that we’re made for starness, and that we should follow our dreams. (Obviously not everyone is lucky enough and privileged enough to have been fed this, but in general, as a generation, I think many of us are followed by the shadow of these messages).
When you are led to believe that you can do it all, it puts you in a race towards an un-achievable goal. And you dig yourself into a hole.
For years, not being able to hold up to that impossible standard, made me feel like a failure. Not being able to do it all made me feel like I wasn’t enough.
Many mamas that I talk to have similar feelings. And the shock of discovering that you actually have to choose, and that you won’t be able to do it all, can be devastating.
Newsflash: You ARE amazing! But you are not without limitations!
And, while we’re at it, there is no such thing as a Super Mom. Ok? Let’s be mindful of using this term, because again, while the intention behind it is to empower, the result can be a serious mind-fuck. We’re all just human. Flawed. Fabulous. Fucked up. Fierce. Fantastic.
Our culture feeds our FOMO. Which causes some of us to go nuts with trying to squeeze in more into the day. Which doesn’t necessarily leaves us more fulfilled, does it?
You’re supposed to make choices in life. Hard choices sometimes. If you do one thing, there will be other things you won’t be doing. No matter how Kung Fu and badass you may be. You need to learn to choose.
Making choices can feel limiting. Well, because it is. It’s also hard, because we don’t really know exactly where our decisions will take us. The unknown is staring at us from the horizon of all directions.
It’s scary. Terrifying for some of us.
But that is precisely what makes life meaningful.
What we can do is build our muscles of discernment, strengthen our ability to sift through the pieces of our lives, and pick the ones that are most important to us. We need to learn to commit in one place. And let go in another. We need to feel into what we want, feed our desires, and think through the consequences of bringing what we want into reality.
And by the way, it’s perfectly healthy to mourn the pieces that we have to leave behind.
At the end of the day, we have to make peace with the fact that reality bites. Embrace uncertainty. Know our limitations. And love life, even if it looks and feels so differently from how we’ve envisioned it. Most importantly, we have to learn to love ourselves. With all of our flaws, with all of our failures, and with all of our imperfections.
You are enough. Just the way you are. Exactly where you are. Making your mark in that special way that only you know how.
Do you ever struggle with living up to unreasonable expectations of yourself? What are you choosing right now in your life? And how are you making your mark?
Comment below and share. I’d love to hear from you. And if this hits some spot, please share it with others who may need to hear this right now.
Deep breathes. Big hugs. Much love,